So, I started to lose my balance on an escalator a few days ago. I try to avoid having something in both hands anytime I’m on stairs, as I need to hold on to the railing to keep from falling, but I didn’t follow my own rule this time. Don was with me and was ahead of me, as we were on the down escalator. He started to reach for me as he saw me losing my balance, however, I was able to get a hand on the railing and did not fall. It was close though and scary. Don had a scared look in his eyes as he figured if I fell down on him, we were both going down!
Unfortunately, the neuropathy of my hands, arms, feet and legs continues to get worse as a side effect of my chemotherapy, which causes my balance issues to worsen. This not only affects my physical body and capabilities, but it also affects my mind. It’s frustrating. It has taken away a lot of my freedom. I can no longer drive a car. So besides trying to keep my physical balance, I have to work on my mental balance as well!
Before this cancer, my struggles with balance were more with time, priorities and scheduling of a very busy work schedule, family, and being involved in ministry. I would certainly rather return to my former life with all of my heart! I guess we all struggle with keeping balance in our lives in different ways.
How is your balance? Even if you are not struggling with physical illnesses, you have a lot of demands on your life, which require balance and constant evaluation. If we don’t keep evaluating, we often lose our balance, and can come crashing down! This not only involves decisions and the evaluations of our daily lives, but also our thoughts. Negativity and frustration are part of life at times, but we cannot stay there.
Our prayers for my healing and strength continue, and I’ll admit it gets frustrating and negative, especially with the fatigue, nausea, battle of knowing the cancer has progressed some recently, and I continue to deal with side effects of the chemotherapy. It is quite a relief to have good days before going back to chemotherapy on my two week cycle. We try to do fun things during these times.
This is currently a chemotherapy weekend. We spent most of the day in the hospital yesterday, and I will be on a pump at home until Sunday evening. I get frustrated that I can’t do the things I used to do. Don has to take on a lot of the physical workload at home, and watch me suffer, which is very difficult. As he said in his last blog, we are in this together, so we at least have that going for us. He is my rock, along with Jesus. I am so thankful for such a great support system of family and friends! Many have been so gracious to us! This is a very difficult path we are walking and appreciate all of the many prayers and concern.
It’s helpful to think about our Gail’s Girls in southern Asia and the difficult lives they have taken on to improve their communities, show much love to others, and start churches where Jesus is being accepted and heard about for the first time. It’s encouraging to hear that they are seeing healings there also as God is revealing Himself to nonbelievers. For those of you who are supporting them in prayer, and financially, please be reminded that they are asking us to pray for them daily. Check out www.GailsGirls.org.
So, how is your balance? Mine continues to be challenged in many ways. I learned, almost the hard way, how important it is to hold onto the railing of an escalator! I also continue to learn how important it is to hold onto Jesus in every way and to trust Him. Don also holds me up in many ways to help me keep my balance.
If you need help with your balance, reach out to those who can support you and encourage you, and don’t stop holding onto Jesus! His ways are still far above ours, even when we can’t see or understand them. And please, be careful on those escalators!