Heart Wrenching Words
Don said it again a few nights ago: "Please don't leave me." Each time it breaks my heart and makes me feel so helpless! I reply, “It is not in my plans and only God can change things.” I am still trying to trust God through this illness and the helplessness, and sometimes hopelessness, that it brings.
I’ll have to admit that I don’t agree with God’s plan if he decides to take me anytime soon from this world because of cancer. I can think of many, many reasons that He should heal me. I will testify of his healing power to all who will listen! He says to pray for more workers in His harvest field, so why take one out? I want to continue to follow His plans here for my life. I want to serve with our church and be a part of all God is doing through Vibrant. I want to continue to promote the “Gail’s Girls” mission. I can’t stand the thought of my family dealing with the grief and loneliness of me being gone. My husband needs me!
So when he says those heart-wrenching words, “Please don’t leave me,” it breaks my heart! I do not want to leave, but it’s in God’s hands.
We wrestle with God over it and know that we still have to trust Him. Where else can we turn? Who else holds the power of life and death? Who else died so that we can live an abundant life through Him here and have the promise of eternal life? There is no one else and no other god who offers unconditional love, forgiveness, and paradise beyond this life. He sees an infinitely big picture and our views are very limited and finite.
Trusting God is sometimes hard in this situation, but I know I can ultimately trust Him, even when I’m having doubts. I have seen and heard people turning away from the Lord because of anger, fear, and doubts that come at a desperate time like this. I think this is when Jesus speaks those heart-wrenching words, “Please don’t leave me.”
And so we pray and wrestle and pray some more. He tells us in His Word to be persistent in our prayers and to ask, seek, and knock, so we will continue to do so. We have no doubt that He has the power to heal, but also know that we have to surrender to His will and that He has plans that go beyond our understanding.
This is not a happy or uplifting blog today, but it is true and honest. The side effects of the chemotherapy get worse with each treatment and the oncologist has had to give stronger doses to try to get the cancer markers down. He continues to say there is no cure. But I will continue to fight and push on! We will continue to enjoy the blessings we have and make more memories! Laughter and joy continue to be important in our days. We will continue to rejoice at the way God is working around us and through us.
To all of you who have been standing by us in prayer, I will ask, “Please don’t leave us.” Know that your prayers have upheld us, and I know they have given me more time already than what was anticipated – please pray that this continues, and of course, for a miracle of healing. We have seen smaller miracles along the way.
Thank you to all who have participated in “Gail’s Girls” in Southern Asia – our Evening in the Park event and the special offering. I know some have expressed a desire to still donate to this amazing mission. You can go to www.gailsgirls.org to do so and learn more about the mission.
Also, please pray for our daughters and the team who are going to Southern Asia in early November. They will be meeting our “Gail’s Girls” and will be leading and teaching a women’s conference for about 100 key women leaders over 3 days, who have gone through the training and are now out in various communities working on physical and spiritual transformation. Pray for wisdom and God’s spirit to continue to lead in their planning. It will be different speaking though interpreters and in a totally different culture where Christianity is under persecution. Also, please pray for their safety, along with the safety of the men and women leaders who are working to transform lives there everyday.