Trouble Finding Words

Gail's Journey

I wanted to write another blog yesterday, but the day never slowed down. Actually every day this week has flown by! Time is even more precious now, and seems to be going faster than ever! Yesterday, there were numerous thoughts and ideas that I wanted to blog. Now, I’m at a complete loss for words.

We have had some good family time and multiple visits from extended family and friends. We are still experiencing periods of denial and periods of feeling overwhelmed. I am assuming this will continue. I can’t even recall some of what occurred this week because my mind has not stopped long enough to register the moments in my memory! After reading Don’s last blog, I could only agree in every way and felt I had nothing more to add.

Today, I had my first chemotherapy treatment. I again had my husband and 3 of my daughters by my side to support me and make me smile, along with two of my sisters who stopped by to visit. The nurse’s were kind and helpful. I have been told that this is my new reality. How can life have changed so quickly? I don’t like being on the patient side! I am supposed to be providing the care in the hospital setting – not receiving it! When you work in the medical profession, people look to you for help, guidance, information, answers, and support. Now, I feel helpless. I can’t fix my own body. I can’t make things better. I can’t come up with the answers for how this will go or what to expect. I am totally dependent on others. I am the one asking the questions and needing support.

However, I am continually reminded through this process that I am totally dependent on God. We all are! I am reminded that God has a plan and I do trust Him. I know He loves me and always has. I know my life has purpose and that he is in control. Every day we are hearing from many about the impact this illness has also had on their lives. I know we grow stronger through struggles. I know God’s desire is that more people come to know Him. He uses our hard times to refocus on Him and on the fact that this life is fleeting for all of us – it is racing by quickly. He offers us eternal life beyond what we know here. He is our hope and our strength. It is beautiful to see how Christ works through His church in times like this! We are humbled by the outpouring of love, support, generosity, encouragement and prayers! We are so grateful.

My body is tired after the treatment. I came through it with only mild side effects… so far. Unfortunately, as I finish typing, I am beginning to feel nauseas. I am told that the side effects increase over time and multiple treatments. I am still praying for miracles along the way and for an ultimate miracle of healing, and so appreciate all who are praying with us! Yesterday, there were numerous thoughts and ideas that I wanted to blog. Now, I’m at a complete loss for words. Time is flying. I want to appreciate each precious moment with the Lord and others. I encourage you to do the same!